Just Thinking...

I think spring fever (or something) has hit me full force. I had to get outside and eat lunch today because I felt like the walls were closing in around me. The day started with me being quite snippy and I think I can partly blame it on being forced to spend such a beautiful day indoors. All I wanted to do was go get my kiddos, grab a lemonade from the drug store, and head to the park.

Earlier in the week I was talking with a friend about someone she knew who was going to homeschool her children. I felt jealous. Yesterday I spoke with another mother who was homeschooling her son. Now that seed is planted. I asked Monkey if he'd like for me to be his teacher and he gave an enthusiastic, "Yes!" and said that a classmate doesn't come to school anymore because her mom is her teacher now.  I have to say that I'd never dream of pulling him out now (he has the MOST amazing teacher), and probably not next year for certain reasons, but maybe the following year...maybe. The RedHead is definitely not sold on it.

All I can do is pray that we have the wisdom to make the right choices for our children and family, but homeschooling sure would have made it easier to ditch the four walls and head out into this beautiful weather today! :)

I Wish They Knew...

I'm back at work this year as a reading teacher and I love it more than anything I've ever done. I love seeing children learn to read and having a part in making that happen. But there are times (like today) and there are children where this is especially difficult. There are things I wish they knew, but I can't always tell them.

There is SO much more to reading than comprehension questions, literacy strategies and the level of the book you're on.

That I make mistakes when I read stories out loud to my son and I don't go back and self-correct. I keep on reading...just like you do.

I worry that my "instruction" and comprehension assessment may take all of the joy out of your reading.

These are just a few things I think they should know, but most importantly I want them to know that their struggles with reading and their reading level DOES NOT define them as a person.

They are children with big hearts, sweet smiles, passions for horses and racecars. They are so much more to me than accuracy percentages, self-correction ratios, and reading levels. They are real people. And we will get there...it may take months or possibly even years, but we will work through their struggles and try to do it without breaking their spirits. I hope they know I feel this way.

And Then There Was School...

It's official. I'm back at work. I'm tired...beyond tired really. But I think it's going to be a wonderful year. Even if I look and feel like this every night.

I apologize for the short post. I'll be back when I can string more than two sentences together!

Stress For Sale

If you're feeling particularly content, calm, or bored, then I would be happy for you to purchase a little of my stress. Why didn't I consider that it would be difficult to be packing up a house, making final decisions on the home we're building, start back to work, and come to terms with not being a stay at home mommy anymore all in one month.

Maybe I did consider it, but I did what is easiest and tucked it neatly in the back of my mind so that I wouldn't have to deal with it.

Except now it's here and I have to deal with it.

Tomorrow I start back to work and although it will be an adjustment going back to work full time, I am very excited about my new job as a reading teacher.

I've currently packed a total of 8 boxes. Slowly but surely.

I think I'm ALMOST done making house decisions. Right now the painters are finishing, tile is being laid and the hardwoods, garage doors, and driveway are coming soon. Then we'll just need to put in the lighting and plumbing fixtures and we'll be done. I'm more than ready to move in!

(This pic is a few weeks old, but it's the most recent I've taken.)

Then there's the issue of leaving my babes. This has been the most amazing year and a half. All of my prayers were answered when I received the opportunity to be home everyday with Colson and Lilly-Belle. I will always be thankful for this time and I have a strong appreciation for all that stay at home moms do and glad that the RedHead was able to afford me this experience. I can't think about it too much because that's when the tears come, but I want my children to know that this year was the best year of my life. Thankfully we have the BEST sitter who loves them as much as I do, so I know they will be well cared for. I hope Miss Liz is ready for these two!

I Don't Remember Asking For More Patience

This is a Happy Girl...not an Angry Girl. You'll see why if you make it through this messed up post!

You know how people say to be careful what you ask the Lord for...as in, if you ask for patience then you are likely to receive events in your life that test and build your patience (instead of just being granted patience as a divine gift). Well, I am about 99% sure that I didn't ask for more patience, yet I am called to have more of it lately.

Incident #1: Having no idea what my job is going to be next year. Yes there have been postings. Yes I have called, emailed, and all but begged to just go ahead and be placed. Yet, nothing. I know there's a job for me in the county since I did a contracted leave of absence, but I'd kindly like to go ahead and know what that job is...pretty please!

Incident #2: Arriving at our house we're building and being VERY excited to see that our front door had been delivered. Only to find out that they put the WRONG glass in it.

This is what I wanted:

This is what they put in it:
swirly, not seedy!

Because apparently this company doesn't use the seedy glass anymore so they thought it would be acceptable to just make that switch.

So after much "mature" conversation with the company about the incident we are having another door delivered next week with just clear beveled glass. We did lose $ on the deal since we were returning a custom door...boo! :(

**RIGHT HERE...I was typing along and the phone rings. I know the number because I've dialed it 1000 times. It was our HR Director. Calling to offer me a job! WooHoo! I accepted and I'm very excited that I'll be a Title I reading teacher next year. It made my day...I think we'll have to celebrate tonight. **

Guess I can go cross out No. 1.

What I Love Most...

I am thankful every day that I have had the past year at home with my children, and while I'd love for this to be a permanent position, I knew when I took the leave of absence that I would be returning to teaching next school year. Today reminded me of exactly what I love (and miss) most about teaching.

*Here's my disclaimer: I know what I'm supposed to love are the beautiful light bulb moments that children experience when something just clicks and they "get it," and I do LOVE those moments, but the following are my favorite moments.**

My favorite thing about teaching is what the children say. To each other. To me. Even to themselves. A little humor makes everything better.

As you know, I've been doing some reading tutoring one day a week since January and I love it! It's prompted me to take my reading praxis (which I passed...woohoo!) so I can possibly teach Title I reading next year. These are a few of the comments I heard just today:

(I'll refer to myself as Mrs. Belle)

"Mrs. Belle, you got new glasses! Does that mean you're smarter now?"

"Mrs. Belle, does this shirt look good with my jeans?"

"Yes."

"Thank you. I think it would look better with my shorty pink shorts but my mama said I wasn't leaving the house wearing those things."

(I bet mama was right...no shorty shorts needed at school.)

When asked what job he wanted to have when he grew up:
"I want to be an army man."
"Why?"
"Because I like loud sounds and shootin'. I want to be in the war to shoot those scary wild animals."
(Bless that he thinks war is against animals.)

"Mrs. Belle, is it fun in here?"
"Yes, I hope so. Why do you ask?"
"Because Annaya said it would be fun, and I'm just wondering when that will start."

(Bored much?)

These comments that brighten my day, make me laugh, and often times correctly critique my teaching are what I love most!

Dream Jobs

This week's Top 2 Tuesday over at Jimmy Choos & A Baby Too is to share your top two dream jobs, so here we go:

I have to say that I currently have my ULTIMATE dream job! Being a stay-at-home mama to my babes is the most fulfilling, rewarding, wonderful job I've ever had. I will, however, be returning to work in the fall (for a number of reasons, but that's another post) so I'll share what I consider my top 2 dream "paycheck jobs".

#1. A Teacher. And I mean this in the purest, truest, simplest sense. I want to strip away all of the politicking, paperwork, and micromanagement and be a "real" teacher. I want to engage children in the excitement of learning, teach them simple things that will matter in their lives, and show them that they can be learners and teachers themselves for the rest of their life. This is what I set out to do when I chose Education as my major when I was just a high school senior. Unfortunately, everything else that is imposed on teachers has clouded my perception of teaching over the past 5 years. During my time off, I often find myself mentally working through the separation and trying to define what is teaching and what is "everything else". Hopefully if I can separate "everything else" from the actual teaching, I can return to my job with a new attitude and successfully teach without being weighed down by the rest. This is my hope.

#2. A Play Therapist. I think that this would be a wonderful job to have...I love to watch children learn new things, make growth, and reach goals. Many children go to play therapy for any number of reasons, and I think it would be so rewarding to help children that may face many obstacles achieve new skills. I have looked into this job field, but it would require me to take a substantial amount of coursework to complete a degree that would allow me to practice play therapy. It is something that isn't totally feasible right now, but I'm keeping that door open for the future.

Thanks to Taylor for hosting Top Two Tuesday! Come join in the fun!

Am I Ready For This?

Image here

Tomorrow is a big day...I'm going back to work. Just one day a week, for four hours, so it's just enough to get my feet wet before I have to plunge back into the working world next school year. One of the local schools called and asked if I would come do some tutoring during the school day and my immediate thought was to say no, hang up the phone and go hide! I really wasn't sure I was ready to face returning to work in any capacity, but I bought myself some time to think about it by saying I needed to check about child care and the terms of my leave with the county.

I decided that one day a week would provide me with a way to begin the transition back to work without shocking my system (and the extra money is a plus!) My mother-in-law is going to watch the babes, and I really hope that this motivates me and reignites my passion for teaching, making me look forward to returning to teaching in August. Wish me luck...I'm sure I'll need it!

Tell me again why I'm not paid to do this?

I love being a Mommy...I REALLY love being a Mommy. I want it to be my full time job (and it is for this year) but the problem is that it doesn't pay. I know women have said this for years, it's just now I am faced with this as my reality and I'm a little frustrated that it's not a paying job. I know people say to make sacrifices, cut back, and whatnot, but to be financially responsible in raising our children and preparing for their future I will most likely have to go back to work next year.

And then there's the fact that I'm not entirely sold on going back to my previous job. I was a teacher and I love teaching, however...that is only a tiny part of the job. If that's all it were I'd go back in a heartbeat. But it's politics, and micromanagement, and uncompensated duties that often end up leaving my own children with the short end of the stick. If anyone has any suggestions for jobs where I can utilize my degree in elementary education or a job where I can work from home, please share.

I'm ready to scratch my eyes out from looking at careerbuilder and monster.

This made me smile

It made me smile even though it's sad...and often true.

Fleeting Feeling

I've had a feeling the past couple weeks as many of my friends prepare for a new school year. I've been missing them, missing setting up my classroom, missing those few precious lunches on the workdays before school begins, missing the excitement-nervousness-anticipation. It is a fleeting feeling, because when faced with the invitation to return I immediately said no and wondered if I came across as wanting to come back. I know that a few weeks in I'd be that same stressed woman, often having to complete schoolwork and planning rather than being there (really there) for my babies. I would not give up this year for anything, but that feeling was there, so I know that I will want to return to teaching (hopefully I'll be ready next year since we've only planned for me to take a year off). While I'm home this year I hope my friends will keep me in the teacher loop, let me still gripe with them, celebrate with them, and be a teacher with them...